Is it ok to date your ex’s friend (or friend’s ex)?

By Ut Etim

Assistant Features Editor

For some weird reason, people always feel uncomfortable when asked the question “is it okay to date your ex’s friend or friend’s ex. When asked, most people respond with a resounding “no” and their reasons for saying no are far from logical. The two most popular are “it’s against the friendship code” and “if I’m not happy, my ex can’t be happy”. And lucky number three is “my ex is still my property.” You’re going to put life on a perpetual hold because a code doesn’t permit it? Alright. I wonder when people started obeying every single law. I for one have never seen the problem with doing either of those things and I’m not going to start now. There’s nothing wrong with dating your ex’s friend or your friend’s ex, provided you date them for all the right reasons. Revenge is a very very terrible reason. Also dating your ex’s friend is awful if you’re only doing it to be in close proximity to your ex. You can’t treat people like shit because their emotions matter.

The first thing to know is this: human beings are not possessions, we just share our time with them. We aren’t commodities that can be bought in the market and as such the statement “my ex is my property” is null and void. In essence, you have no rights whatsoever to your ex post breakup. Everyone deserves a chance at love and a chance to be loved. You cannot deny this. It is almost impossible to be in love with another person and vice versa and consciously choose the path of unhappiness because you cannot be together. It makes no sense to me, never has, never will. It is perfectly logical to fall for your ex’s friend or friend’s ex because it is assumed that you all have hung out together time and time again. It makes perfect sense. More so, you have a mutual foundation and this makes it easier to build a relationship off of a preexisting friendship. It is then up to you to decide whether or not to act on these shared feelings or let your ex’s/friend’s less than relevant opinion dictate everything in your life from then on.

I consider myself to be a selfish person when it comes to my emotions and relationships. As a result of this, I tend to put my personal happiness before the opinions of my ex or said friend in question. It may seem a bit hedonistic but I see no reason why my own happiness should make you feel uncomfortable or unnecessary hate. Thus it frustrates me that I would be greeted by unnecessary friend codes which prevent me or any other person for that matter from attaining happiness. If we followed codes and rules/regulations, we would all die cold and alone and there would possibly be no humans left on earth (I cannot currently verify the accuracy of that statement) or at the very least, no happy soul left on earth.

If the relationship didn’t work out as well as you expected, it’s best to let someone else take a chance at making you or your ex happy in a relationship. Who better to do this job than the friends who stood on the sidelines and learned from the mistakes you both made in the relationship? This however is not leeway to destroy your friend’s relationship because you feel that you can do a better job.

Honestly, I can’t defend you if the party involved decides to drag you to hell, you earned the treatment. If you choose to be unhappy because your ex has moved on, that’s really all on you because that ex of yours isn’t affected by your unhappiness and most likely doesn’t care about what makes you happy or unhappy. So stop harboring all that hate darling and move on with life. There are many who will rant and rave about this dating issue and how my opinion seems insensitive and selfish. Remember this is just my view on how things can possibly work out after a breakup. I guess it’s all about maturity and this varies from person to person.


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